The Five Best and Worst Celebrities to Have as a Valentine

When it comes to Valentine’s Day and your s.o., things can get a bit routine.  Wouldn’t it be nice to share a romantic dinner with a famous person?  You could dodge the paparazzi and pretend like you don’t want your picture taken and put on a tabloid.  But then there are the drawbacks, like waiting backstage at a talk show and pretending Jimmy Kimmel is funny.  Here now are the Five Best and Worst Celebrities to Have as a Valentine.

Best:  Ryan Gosling:  It’s pretty easy to tune out the paparazzi and fans when you’re hypnotized by washboard abs.  And hey, even if he’s not romantic in real life, he’s an actor.  He can just pretend he’s a character that’s romantic in real life.

Worst:  Mickey Rourke:  You may remember that Mickey Rourke was the Ryan Gosling of his time.  That was before he dropped out of sight, became a boxer and had the ugly stick do a dance on his face.

Best:  Jennifer Lawrence:  Jennifer Lawrence is not only hot, but she’s got more charm than a thousand puppy dogs that were trained by George Clooney.  Well, read, talented and not the least bit pretentious; she’ll readily admit she’ll eat those chocolates you bought.

Worst:  Paris Hilton:  While not technically a celebrity, she is still famous.  Her insane wealth dictates that without insane wealth, you have little hope of impressing her.  Not to mention the danger of video taping her later.

Best:  Jake Gyllenhaal: Probably the only actor to give Jennifer Lawrence a run for her money in the charm department, Jake sweeter than the chocolate he’d probably buy for you.  Who wouldn’t ruin their current relationship to wake up with naked?

Worst:  Tim Tebow:  Yapping all night about football or Jesus is a lose-lose situation.  Sure he’s athletic, but what’s the point if all you’re going to do in the bedroom is watch TV?  Maybe you should pray for a Russell Wilson instead.

Best:  Alison Brie:  That sweet, girl-next-door look is like a ray of sunshine with a really nice rack.  Funny, talented and she can introduce you to the cast of Community.  Hopefully it will be Gillian Jacobs in her underwear.

Worst:  Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino:  Wasn’t this musclehead’s fifteen minutes of fame up a half hour ago?  Only someone that’s fried their brain under a tan lamp for too long is going to sign up for this romantic fiasco.

Best:  Chris Evans:  You don’t want to date Captain America?  Are you some kind of commie?!  Evans took a shot from the handsome gun and got a full blast to the face and abs.  Plus who wouldn’t want to go to a screening of Winter Soldier with the star?

Worst:  Amanda Bynes:  Oh, sure, she’s cute, but that’s not going to get you out of the county lock up.  Assuming, of course, you don’t get put through the front windshield because you let her drive.

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