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Ten Valentine’s Dates From Hell

Valentine’s Day is a day of romance.  But with everyone’s expectations so high, things can sometimes go horribly, horribly wrong.  Not Bruce Jenner plastic surgery wrong, but still pretty wrong.  Here now are Ten Valentine’s Dates From Hell.

1.  Dinner with the Folks:  There’s nothing that can kill romance and boners quicker than eating with an older version of yourself.  Whose idea was this?  Even your parents want to be alone today.

2.  Dinner at a Super Expensive Place That Sucks:  You finally got those reservations, you planned for weeks, saved your money—  Only one problem: Turns out that expensive place sucks worse than the losing contestants on Hell’s Kitchen.  You and your s.o. spend half the meal thinking of all the cool places you could’ve gone with that money and the food’s so bad, you don’t even ask for a doggie bag.

3.  Weekend at the Overbooked Bed and Breakfast:  It looked so cozy in the brochure, but it turns out that every other couple in the region has also booked this place.  With paper thin walls, you have a front row audio seat to the couple in the next room getting it on.  And by the time you get down stairs for breakfast, all the waffles are gone.

4.  Take Out and Netflix:  You thought a cozy night at home could be romantic.  Unfortunately, you can’t agree on what to watch and the February cold and slow delivery guy means your dinner is about as tepid as the romance.  You try to skip right to the sex, but it turns into a discussion about who cleans what and then a fight.  Happy V-day!

5.  Work Date Lunch:  You thought you’d surprise your s.o. with a work date lunch in the middle of the day.  While it does impress your s.o.’s co-workers, it doesn’t phase the no-life boss for whom he or she works.  You miss your reservations at the fancy lunch place and end up eating Wendy’s in the company break room.

6.  Dinner and the Ex:  You found the perfect restaurant, one of your faves.  Unfortunately, you forgot that your ex introduced you to that place.  You lock eyes with them from across the room and now there’s a whole weird vibe on everything.  You almost leave when the ex starts a competitive PDA contest with their s.o., but you manage to tough it out long enough to skip desert and get the Hell out.

7.  Home Cooked Meal Gone Wrong:  You followed all the instructions on the Internet, but managed to burn the whole damned meal.  Now there’s just a lot of crying and tension.  The mood is about as conducive to sex as stiletto heels are to running a marathon.

8. The Cliched Date:  Your s.o. went through a lot of trouble: chocolates, flowers and rose petals leading to the bed.  It’s a shame he’s less creative than an episode of Two Broke Girls.  His transparent attempt to get you in the sack is about as inspiring as his New Year’s Eve idea of going to Times Square.  Maybe it’s not too late to salvage your profile at Match.com.

9.  The Date That Goes Completely Overboard:  Dinner at a nice place would’ve been fine, but your s.o. spent a quarter of their yearly salary on this night.  Limo, drinks, a show, dinner, hotel and an embarrassing amount of gifts.  Seriously, a puppy and a kitten?  Now they’re fighting and peeing all over the place, while your s.o. tries to get the violin player out of the room so he can make his move.  Now you’ll be spending the next two months hearing how he’s “too broke” to take you anywhere.

10.  The Half-Ass V-Day Attempt:  You weren’t expecting much, but you were expecting an effort.  Your boyfriend unwisely attempts to call restaurants for a reservations ten minutes before you’re supposed to leave.  With no where else to go, you end up in that Sports Bar that he likes eating pub food and trying to talk over a hockey game.  Then he has the nerve to mutter, “Glad that’s over with” on the way back to the car.  Guess whose genitals go untouched that night?

The Best Wedding Dances From Movies

Wedding movies range from romantic to funny to bittersweet… but one thing that is always memorable is the dancing! Here are some of the most memorable wedding dances from movies…

Hitch 

These dance moves from Will Smith and Kevin James are so bad, they’re good.

Wedding Crashers

This wedding montage makes wedding crashing look like a lot of fun…

The Wedding Singer

There’s nothing cheesier than an ’80s wedding!

Bridesmaids

Wilson Phillips make you want to hold on for one more day

Bend It Like Beckham

What’s the only thing more fun than dancing at your sister’s wedding? Winning your big soccer game.

Bride and Prejudice

In this Pride and Prejudice remake done Bollywood style, every dance scene is epic, but this might be the best one…

The Wedding Date 

Not technically a wedding dance, but they’re at a dance lesson before the wedding…

You Again

Another pre-wedding dance lesson, but this scene is a lot more… violent… than the one above.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bm_AzxSTeUA

American Wedding

This scene from American Wedding is sweet…

… but this was really the best dancing moment from that film!

The Steamiest Dance Sequences

They say that you can judge how someone is in bed, by how they dance… If that’s true, then these dancers must be some of the hottest people on earth because these dance sequences are so steamy it’s hard to believe they’re all from movies that are only rated PG-13 or R.


Take the Lead

This tango scene is pretty hot…

…but it doesn’t even compare to this one…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UCAj0OK5R8

…giving new meaning to the term “it takes two to tango”.


The Thomas Crown Affair

Rene Russo’s dress alone could get this dance scene on the list…


Sin City

It’s Jessica Alba. Enough said.


Shall We Dance

Leave the light…


Center Stage

This might not be the sexiest dance scene, but it is quite possibly the sexiest ballet dancing you’ve ever seen.


Meet the Millers

Jennifer Aniston like you’ve never seen her before…

…in probably the only sexy scene that started in khakis.


From Dusk Till Dawn

Quentin Tarantino’s fans have been talking about his alleged foot fetish for years… and this sexy scene with Salma Hayak just might prove it.


Magic Mike

Really, any single frame from this movie would’ve qualified… but this might be the best one…


Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had both long denied that their relationship began while filming Mr. and Mrs. Smith… but the sexual chemistry between them is pretty noticeable in this scene…

Years later, Jolie did admit that they “fell in love” during the making of this movie.


Dirty Dancing

It’s no surprise that this scene was deleted from the film.


Ten of the Cheapest Valentine’s Day Gifts That Are Still Cool

The economy is in the tank and everyone is suffering, but that doesn’t mean your Valentine’s Day obligations are gone.  It just means you’re going to have to tighten the belt and get creative.  Sure, you can go without food for a few days to save up for a night out or you can think of something heartfelt that won’t cost you a cent.  Here now are Ten of the Cheapest Valentine’s Day Gifts That Are Still Cool. Oh, and these gift ideas are for the guys. We all know women invented this holiday just to get more presents.

1. A Song or Poem:  A sheet of paper and some brain power is all that is required.  That old guitar used to get you laid in college.  Now it saves you a $300 night out and your girlfriend is convinced you’re sensitive deep down.

2.  A Home Cooked Meal:  The best part of this, even if you screw it up, you get points for trying!  The Internet is full of step by step instructions that are a helluva lot cheaper than booking the good table at that sushi place.  Plus, you can get your food shopping done when you go to buy your ingredients.

3.  A Bouquet of Flowers You Grew:  This one requires a bit of pre-planning, but as long as you’re growing that kind bud in your closet, why not toss in some flower seeds in late January?  Just remember that smoking daffodils will probably not get you high.

4. A Memory Scrapbook:  Finally, something to justify all that time on Facebook you spent tagging pics.  Print them out, put them in a little book and chart the course of your relationship up until now.  Hey, you might need something to flip through when you’re 70 if you’re still together.

5. First Date Revamp:  Remember you first date?  You probably didn’t spend much on that.  Hey, you barely knew this person!  Time to go back and you won’t get penalized if you met a hotdog stand near the dry cleaners.

6. The Coupon Book:  You know all that stuff you hate to do that your s.o. is constantly bugging you about?  Well now you can put it in coupon form!  Sure, it’ll suck to finally have to clean the bathroom but giving massages and foot rubs aren’t so bad.  It might even get you laid!

7. Make Something Arty:  Don’t worry, they have to like it if they’re dating you, no matter how big of a talentless hack you are.  Finally that kiln you bought will pay for itself!  And it’s not like the stuff you posted on Etsy is selling anyways.

8.  Make a Grand Gesture:  Instead of sending a dozen roses and paying through the nose to have it delivered to your girl at work, show up with one rose and make a big deal in front of her co-workers.  It may be a little embarrassing, but it sure won’t cost much.

9.  Plan a Cozy Night at Home:  Netflix, a box of wine and some take out probably won’t set you back too much.  Plus you can both get totally hammered, you’re not going anywhere.  Sure, you might have to sit through The Notebook again, but at least you’ll probably get laid.

10.  Adventurous Sex:  Bust out the body oils and the scented candles, start with a massage and end with some smushing.  Yes, we just used the word smushing. And isn’t it high time you tried out some of those sex tools leftover from your girlfriend’s bachelorette party?  It’s the oldest gift in the book and boning is completely free.

10 Love Lessons You Can Learn From Popular Dance Movies

There is a lot you can learn from dance films… but I don’t just mean dance moves. You can learn a lot about love from these flicks too. We all know that dance is often a metaphor for love… Whether you’re picking a partner, knowing when to lead and when to follow, or trusting someone else to catch you when you take a leap of faith… the same rules that apply to dancing apply to dating.

So for Valentine’s Day, here’s some advice to live by from the experts (Patrick Swayze, John Travolta, Channing Tatum and more)…

 

1. Don’t write someone off until you get to know them.

This is one of the staples of dance movies, new and old. There’s often the “bad boy” who  is really a good guy, the seemingly uptight character who finally lets loose, or the mousey girl who takes off her glasses and surprises everyone with her sexy moves. Maybe you should give that person you’ve been overlooking a chance.

strictlyballroom

Strictly Ballroom, 1993

 

2. Choose substance over flash.

The counterpoint to the previous lesson…. Don’t be fooled by the flashy rich guy who promises to make you a star (but is really just trying to get in your pants) or the sexy bombshell who is probably just using you. Don’t just buy the hype… look beyond the exterior.

honey

Honey 2003

 

3. Your parents don’t always know what’s best for you.

Sure it’s a good idea to consider your parents’ input on the people you date… but remember that they’re not always right. If they don’t approve of your significant other, that’s their problem. (Especially if your daddy is a preacher who thinks dancing is sinful.) You’re a grown up. You can make your own decisions.

footloose dad

Footloose, 1984

 

4. Always be yourself.

You can try to be something you’re not… but who wants to live a lie? If you have to fake it to get someone to like you, then that person isn’t worth it. Find someone who likes you for you.

billy elliot

Billy Elliot, 2000

 

5. …But be the best version of yourself.

Relationships and dancing both require hard work. Be the best person you can be. Take pride in your appearance, practice your moves and don’t take your partner for granted.

SNF

Saturday Night Fever, 1977

 

6. Sex doesn’t automatically mean you’re dating.

There’s a difference between a one-night-stand and a relationship. If you’re not sure where you stand – ask. Don’t be a clinger.

centerstage

Center Stage, 2000

 

7. Take risks.

Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there or try something new. Step outside your comfort zone… Bust out those moves you’ve been practicing at home. Ask out that hottie at the bar you’ve been making eyes at all night. Don’t worry about embarrassing yourself… just take a chance. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

step up

Step Up, 2006

 

8. It’s all about trust.

You need to have faith in your partner… trust them to take the lead or follow your lead. Trust them to catch you when you leap… to be there when you stop spinning… and to always be in step. If you’re too busy worrying about what the other person is doing, you’ll end up falling flat on your ass.

dirty dancing

Dirty Dancing, 1987

 

9. Never ditch your partner for an ex.

Self-explanatory.

grease

Grease, 1978

 

and finally…

10. Always bring protection… just in case.

umbrellas

Magic Mike, 2012