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Seven Tips for Communicating in a Loud Club

There are few clubs that aren’t loud.  Some clubs actually have so many speakers and such volume, the vibrations permeate the walls clear into the bathroom stalls.  Is it any wonder none of the staff pays attention?  They’re probably all deaf.  But you’ve got your crew in tow and you’ve got to communicate.  How else are you going to go home with that hot chick holding the martini glass or that handsome bloke with open shirt and pecs?  Here now are some quick tips for communicating in a loud club.

1.  Texting:  Keep your cellphone handy, because it may be the only way you can tell your girlfriends that the guy you’ve been talking to just sprang for bottle service at the table.

2.  Hand Signals:  And you thought talking to deaf people was a waste of time!  Whether you know the entire deaf alphabet or are just good at charades, hand signals are an invaluable tool in loud situations.  Just ask Seal Team Six.

3.  Napkin Notes:  You knew there was a reason they kept giving you a napkin with your drink.  If it’s not to scrawl a note to your boys to tell them that you call dibbs on that cleavage queen you just spotted, then what good are they?  And remember, never leave that paper trail behind.

4.  Dancing:  While dancing isn’t the ideal communication method for every kind of message, it is great for giving your dance partner the message that you’d rather be grinding on him or her naked back at their place.

5.  Mouthing the Words:  Assuming you can get someone’s attention under the flashing lights and puffs of fake smoke, you might be able to mouth a message.  You don’t have to be a lip reader to get the basics.  Just remember that mouthing the word “talk”, as in, “Do you want to talk?” may send a mixed message as it also looks like a certain f-word.

6.  Tattoos:  Depending on what your ink looks like, you can get along pretty good in a club with just your arms and pointing.  It’ll make that tattoo of two people getting in a cab totally worth the $60.

7.  Your Bartender:  You’ve been tipping this guy non-stop for $12 Appletinis, the least he can do is deliver a message or two.  And it doesn’t always have to be about hooking up.  Deliver a drink to your friend and have the bartender pass on the message about what greasy spoon you’re going to hit at 3 am.  No night out is complete without pancakes!

 

Iconic Dance Moments You Know You’ve Tried To Recreate

Certain pop culture moments just stay with you after you’ve seen them. They’re not necessarily the best scenes from movies or television or music videos, but for whatever reason they’ve stuck with you over the years. Any of these scenes might’ve been part of your childhood experience or remind you of a certain point in your life. Maybe you’ve watched them over and over… maybe you and your friends tried to reenact them. (If you haven’t tried to recreate at least one of these moments then you probably at least wish you had.)

These are some of my iconic pop culture dance moments. If you’re near my age, you’ve probably done at least one of the things on this list.

The “lift” from Dirty Dancing
(especially in a swimming pool or lake)

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Any of the moves from the library scene in The Breakfast Club

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Pee Wee Herman’s “Tequila!” dance

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Will and Carlton’s “Apache” routine from Fresh Prince of Bel Air

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The Kid ‘N Play dance from House Party
(my personal favorite, I do this every chance I get)

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Snapping like you’re in a West Side Story gang

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Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” video

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Were you born to hand-jive in Grease?

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Dancing on the bar like in Coyote Ugly
(Bonus points if you got more than two steps done before they kicked you out)

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Dance without pants like Tom Cruise in Risky Business

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Fist pump like you were on The Jersey Shore

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Headbang in the car a la Wayne’s World

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Anything John Travolta does in Saturday Night Fever

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Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke at the VMAs

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