There are few clubs that aren’t loud. Some clubs actually have so many speakers and such volume, the vibrations permeate the walls clear into the bathroom stalls. Is it any wonder none of the staff pays attention? They’re probably all deaf. But you’ve got your crew in tow and you’ve got to communicate. How else are you going to go home with that hot chick holding the martini glass or that handsome bloke with open shirt and pecs? Here now are some quick tips for communicating in a loud club.
1. Texting: Keep your cellphone handy, because it may be the only way you can tell your girlfriends that the guy you’ve been talking to just sprang for bottle service at the table.
2. Hand Signals: And you thought talking to deaf people was a waste of time! Whether you know the entire deaf alphabet or are just good at charades, hand signals are an invaluable tool in loud situations. Just ask Seal Team Six.
3. Napkin Notes: You knew there was a reason they kept giving you a napkin with your drink. If it’s not to scrawl a note to your boys to tell them that you call dibbs on that cleavage queen you just spotted, then what good are they? And remember, never leave that paper trail behind.
4. Dancing: While dancing isn’t the ideal communication method for every kind of message, it is great for giving your dance partner the message that you’d rather be grinding on him or her naked back at their place.
5. Mouthing the Words: Assuming you can get someone’s attention under the flashing lights and puffs of fake smoke, you might be able to mouth a message. You don’t have to be a lip reader to get the basics. Just remember that mouthing the word “talk”, as in, “Do you want to talk?” may send a mixed message as it also looks like a certain f-word.
6. Tattoos: Depending on what your ink looks like, you can get along pretty good in a club with just your arms and pointing. It’ll make that tattoo of two people getting in a cab totally worth the $60.
7. Your Bartender: You’ve been tipping this guy non-stop for $12 Appletinis, the least he can do is deliver a message or two. And it doesn’t always have to be about hooking up. Deliver a drink to your friend and have the bartender pass on the message about what greasy spoon you’re going to hit at 3 am. No night out is complete without pancakes!