How Your Choice of Drink Telegraphs Your Dancing Abilities

Let’s be honest, when you’re at a club you’re not just dancing, you’re also drinking.  And while small talk and how you dress can telegraph what kind of person you are, your choice of drink can tell a potential dance partner what kind of dancer you are.  So behold the science of mixology combined with the science of danceology!

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Tequila Shots:  You like Salsa Dancing.  You’re not very good at it, but after six or seven shots you won’t care.  Enthusiasm counts for a lot.

Rum and Coke:  You can’t really dance, but few frat boys can.  You are really good a grinding inappropriately against hot chicks until they walk away from you and your popped collar.

White Russian:  You drink these because you like pop culture references like the Big Lebowski.  Naturally, your dance move is Gangnam Style unless the Harlem Shake comes back in style.

Mojito:  Like all gay men or metrosexuals, you have many dance moves, but you don’t need to be wearing a necklace of glowsticks to know it’s all about the rave for you.

Coors Light:  Well, Tex, you and your rattlesnake shit-kickers can’t get enough of that line dancing.  As if there were any other kind of dancing to Toby Keith music.

Wine Coolers:  Your big hair and industrial strength tan mean that the Guido fist pump is your favorite move.  Besides, you can do any moves that require head shaking or you’d likely take out an eye with those jangly earrings.

Cosmopolitan:  You love this drink because it’s pink and you won’t spill it as you constantly do the Body Wave, you’re one move, over and over again.  Then again, you’re hot, so the guys don’t care you’re not a So You Think You Can Dance finalist.

Scotch on the Rocks:  You’re too manly to dance.  You’ve come into the club to satisfy your current girlfriend’s desire for a night out.  You spend most of the evening people watching for character traits you can put in your current novel and will probably end up in another three-way with your girlfriend’s female dance partner.

Appletini:  You’re not that hot, but you insist to everyone that you are.  That’s why you’re favorite move is the Cat Daddy, which you learned since watching that Kate Upton video.

Mai Tai: Being fat and a borderline alcoholic has never stopped you.  Whether you’re male and rushing around the dance floor in your Hawaiian shirt or you’re female in a skirt one size too tight, after four or five drinks you have to do that booty shake.