The Grandma With All The Moves.
She’s 80 and still dominating the dance floor. Although everyone is a little afraid she’s gonna break a hip.
The Grandma With All The Moves.
She’s 80 and still dominating the dance floor. Although everyone is a little afraid she’s gonna break a hip.
The dance floor isn’t the only place you can use your sick dance moves. Every day is a opportunity to show the world what you got. Use these ideas to cut a rug, even when you are just shopping for a rug.
1. Back Slide into the bath tub.
2. Go Around the World into a International Grocery Store.
3. Boomerang out of a PTA meeting.
4. Brush Your Shoulder Off at the barber.
5. Twerk while quitting your job.
6. Moonwalk your way out of a awkward conversation.
7. Achy Breaky you way into a Dallas BBQ restaurant.
8. Hammer Dance your way in between lines at the Home Depot.
9. Ickey Shuffle after winning your NCAA Bracket.
10. Do the Sprinkler when you dad tells you to go out and water the lawn.
11. Raise the Roof while working at your construction job
12. Use the Cabbage Patch to stir your pancake batter.
13. Use the Dice Shaker at Vegas.
14. Perform the Running Man in between work outs.
15. Box Step your way around a pile of dog poop.
16. Grapvine yourself out of a wine bar.
17. Heel turn when you see your exe coming down the street.
18. Dos-a-do with the person you get trapped in a revolving door with
19. Do the Twist when getting out of your pants after a big meal.
20. Do the worm to get underneath a stuck garage door.
Gentlemen, the dance club is your hunting ground and today we look at targets you should avoid. Whether you want to take someone home to mom or just into the alley behind the dumpster for a quick hump, you should know the pitfalls before you end up on a very special episode of Dr. Phil. Here now are the Seven Women You Should Avoid in the Club. Read more
You and your boys are at the club, dancing up a storm. But for some reason none of the girls there are interested in dancing with you (and you thought the worm would get any girl excited). You’re going to have to take drastic measures to dance with a girl tonight. Just don’t try any of the ideas below.
1. Tape dollar bills to your chest.
2. Dare them to do it.
3. Tell them their butt’s on fire and you have to grind it out.
4. Dress up like their best friend and sneak on the dance floor.
5. Pay them $50 to dance with you.
6. Have your friends create a wall of bodies to keep her on the dance floor at all times.
7. Hook a bungee cord in between your belts.
8. Hire a hypnotist .
9. Take her family hostage and demand she dance for their freedom.
10. Pay her $100 on top of that $50 to not call the cops.
11. Bribe the DJ to play her favorite song all night long.
12. Threaten to dance with little sister if she doesn’t.
13. Use a lasso.
14. Get a devil to possess her.
15. Ask a ouija board to see if she a ghost will come down and make her dance with you.
16. Turn off all the lights in the club so she can’t see who she is dancing with.
17. Grease the dance floor so she slides into your arms
18. Hire actors to pretend to be terrorists taking over the club and her one chance to save the hostages is to break it down.
19. Build a time machine to make you King of All That Dance.
20. Hide a magnet in her purse and wear your large metal belt buckle.
Fellas, women read into everything. While our cold, emotionless logic circuits are anxiously trying to close the deal, women are out there feeling, feeling, feeling. One of the things they “feel” is the drink you buy for them when you meet for the first time. They will— No, they need to go back to their friends and spend twenty to thirty minutes discussing what you bought for them during the first few moments. Here are the messages you send with your drinks.
1. Beer: “Hi, I share an apartment with three other roommates because technically my job is considered a paid internship. I hope you don’t like guys with money!”
2. Wine Cooler: “Hello! I’m mentally still in 11th grade! Wanna make out?”
3. Tequila Shot: “I’m going to pour alcohol in you until you forget where you live and end up at my place. I’ll find your bra under my bed a week from now. Although I will pay your cab fare home, I will not be making you breakfast since I can’t cook anything more complicated than a microwave burrito.”
4. Tom Collins: “I have no idea what women drink, but I saw this one on Mad Men and I figure you probably watch that. I will make awkward conversation with you. You can probably get a few more free drinks out of me and put me right in the friend zone.”
5. White Russian: “I’m in college and my friends and I quote The Big Lebowski constantly. I will constantly try and have sex with you the moment we start talking.”
6. Vodka Martini: “Greetings, I am the most boring person in this club. You will start to doze off, halfway through me telling you my name. You’ll give me a fake number just so we’ll never have to talk again.”
7. Scotch on the rocks: “I work at a Fortune 500 company and can spend fifteen minutes talking about how expensive my watch is. Watch me piss away a grand on bottle service in hopes of getting you into the sack tonight.”
8. Mai Tai: “Welcome to the party train and this train makes all the stops. If you haven’t woken up in an alley with no shoes three states away, then you didn’t really party.”
9. Cosmopolitan: “I’m recently divorced and therapist told me this is where people meet now. My wife used to drink these because her and her friends watched Sex in the City. I’ll be cutting out early, I have to say goodnight to my kids.”
10. Mohito: “Hey, I follow trends. You remind me of someone I saw on TV. If we start dating and you change your hair, I will immediately break up with you. Sure, I’m shallow, but you’re judging people based on drinks, so don’t talk.”
The zombies are coming, it’s only a question of when. The Walking Dead isn’t just a horrible drama on AMC, it’s an instruction manual on what to look for in a zombie apocalypse. (Hang with the guy with the crossbow.) But you’re not some Georgia redneck in the woods, you’re an urban club goer. You’ll probably be three martinis deep when the undead burst onto the dance floor and start biting everyone in the club. Here now are Tips for Fighting Your Way Out of a Dance Club During a Zombie Apocalypse.
1. Get your back to a wall: Even if you’re stuck in the restroom, you need to keep the potential zombies in front of you where you can see them. With all the lights and noise, you’re not going to hear them coming up behind you so eliminate that threat.
2. Grab a weapon: Potential weapons found in the club, best to worst: Fire extinguisher, table leg, knife from the bar, piece of sculpture that’s club-shaped, whiskey bottle and finally, your purse. Come to think of it, forget the purse unless you’ve got a metal nail file in there. You’re probably better off punching the zombies with your fist.
3. Repeat the zombie rules: Remember, there are women here and many of them have not seen a lot of the zombie movies you have. “Do not let them bite you! Aim for the head! Double tap to make sure they’re dead!” Even the most remedial zombie fighter should be able to grasp these instructions.
4. Head for the roof: Unless there’s an obvious exit that isn’t choked with panicking club goers or hordes of undead, the roof is your best bet. Keep control of the access door, find a fire axe and cut out several steps. Live humans can jump the gap in the steps, but zombies will just fall right through. And if you have to get off the roof, there’s bound to be a ladder or fire escape that is zombie-free.
5. Avoid dead ends: Hiding in the restroom or the DJ booth might seem like a great idea during the initial attack, but these areas are death traps in the club. With no escape, the zombies will eventually kill everyone, doubling or tripling their numbers, making it easy for them to push their way into whatever little space you thought was safe.
6. Hit the lights: What would really help distinguish your average club goer from a blood-thirsty corpse is regular lighting. Strobe lights and colored lights just confuse everything, so if there’s anyway you can turn up the lights so everyone can see what’s happening in the chaos, you might actually help yourself and others survive.
7. Ditch the high heels: Those $300 pumps looked great walking in, but they are useless when trying to outrun a mob of shambling undead guys. The last thing you need is to break a heel trying to run away.
8. Cover up: Zombies are going to try to bite you, so if you can get to your jacket put it on. The less skin you expose, the less vulnerable you are.
Bonus Tips: Things Not to Do
1. Don’t light the zombies on fire: This just makes them scream more and light other things on fire.
2. Don’t follow the bouncers: They’ll be heading right for the zombies under the false impression that they’ll be able to stop them.
3. Don’t trust someone that got bit: Someone who is bit will soon be a zombie. Keep your distance and don’t turn your back. You’ll be bashing this person’s skull in momentarily.
4. Don’t bother to call the cops or EMT’s: Since it’s unlikely patient zero was in the club at the time of the first infection, it’s quite likely the cops have their hands full all over the city. Most of the EMT’s and hospital staff are probably dead already anyway. Anyone that still answers the phone is not going to believe what’s happening until it’s too late. Call your friends and relatives with guns if you call anybody.
Wikipedia defines a “dance craze” (or as they call it, a “fad dance”) as a dance “characterized by a short burst of popularity.” They also mention “novelty dances,” which end up having a longer shelf life because of their quirkiness or nostalgic value. Well, Wikipedia is wrong, because most dances started out as “fad dances” in some way or another, and while these next five dances enjoyed a short burst of popularity in their heyday, they have great reasons to make comebacks and become regular parts of our nightlife repertoires.
#1 The Robot
The Robot has been a nerd staple for at least two generations now, but somewhere around the early 90s it fell out of fashion, and it’s been missed! Now that being a nerd is cool (right?) The Robot should be the dance everyone is trying to nail down. Check out this totally awesome 80s video which might be silly, but actually gives you a pretty good short instruction of how to do this butt-kickin, geektastic dance.
#2 The Twist
Despite the classic scene in Pulp Fiction where Uma Thurman and John Travolta twist for their trophy, The Twist never really came back into fashion, and that’s an outright shame. It’s a fun, energetic dance, that is great for your lat muscles, and a partner dance that doesn’t involve touching- a bonus for those that wish to get to know a stranger first before touching them, or just have tactile issues. No judgment!
#3 The Hand Jive
Popularized in the 1970s film Grease, this extremely simple, yet fun hand-motion based dance has faded into most people’s dim memories. The best reason to bring this one back is that it’s a great group dance to boogie to at weddings. Forget the boring, monotonous, and overly complicated electric slide. The hand-jive is energetic, upbeat, and most importantly, simple to learn, which would be especially helpful for that one uncle that’s had a bit too much at the reception. You know the one.
#4 (C’Mon Ride It) The Train
Another potential group wedding dance, The Train is an improvement on the classic conga line in three ways: 1. You don’t have to touch the person’s hips in front of you in the line 2. The person behind you also will not be touching your hips and 3. You get to pull the imaginary cord to make the train engine sound every time the chorus goes “Toot toot!” That last part is the best part – believe it.
#5 The Waltz
Some might not realize the Waltz was a dance craze…in the 18th century. It started out as a peasant dance, because it was considered just too racy for the aristocrats (people whirled about and danced so close! The scandal!). It went through many permutations, and now there are numerous versions of the dance based on culture, type of music, and pace of the song. The Waltz is the ultimate in romantic dances: flowing, twirling, and light. It’s worth getting reacquainted with especially since you can Waltz to ANY song with a ¾ beat. Here’s a fun list. Did you know you could Waltz to Journey?
Dance floor chatter is usually limited to stuff like “Nice moves” and “Hey, have you seen Ian? He was my ride.” But there are certain things you never want to hear your dance partner say.
1. “I love dancing. It really makes me forget about my STD’s.”
2. “So, is that roofie kicking in yet?”
3. “You’re so strong. I told the bouncer you could kick his ass no problem.”
4. “You’re dancing? I’m sorry. I thought you were having a seizure.”
5. “I’ll get the bartender’s attention. Just let me fire off a few rounds.”
6. “If you’re not homeless, why are you dressed that way?”
7. “Hey, let’s go meet my mom. She’s at the table behind you!”
8. “I hope you have sex better than you dance.”
9. “I told the DJ to play some more Miley Cyrus!”
10. “Let’s get out of here after this song. The fire I set should probably be spreading by then.”
Think you can do better? We know you can! Leave your terrible dance convo one liners below!
There are few clubs that aren’t loud. Some clubs actually have so many speakers and such volume, the vibrations permeate the walls clear into the bathroom stalls. Is it any wonder none of the staff pays attention? They’re probably all deaf. But you’ve got your crew in tow and you’ve got to communicate. How else are you going to go home with that hot chick holding the martini glass or that handsome bloke with open shirt and pecs? Here now are some quick tips for communicating in a loud club.
1. Texting: Keep your cellphone handy, because it may be the only way you can tell your girlfriends that the guy you’ve been talking to just sprang for bottle service at the table.
2. Hand Signals: And you thought talking to deaf people was a waste of time! Whether you know the entire deaf alphabet or are just good at charades, hand signals are an invaluable tool in loud situations. Just ask Seal Team Six.
3. Napkin Notes: You knew there was a reason they kept giving you a napkin with your drink. If it’s not to scrawl a note to your boys to tell them that you call dibbs on that cleavage queen you just spotted, then what good are they? And remember, never leave that paper trail behind.
4. Dancing: While dancing isn’t the ideal communication method for every kind of message, it is great for giving your dance partner the message that you’d rather be grinding on him or her naked back at their place.
5. Mouthing the Words: Assuming you can get someone’s attention under the flashing lights and puffs of fake smoke, you might be able to mouth a message. You don’t have to be a lip reader to get the basics. Just remember that mouthing the word “talk”, as in, “Do you want to talk?” may send a mixed message as it also looks like a certain f-word.
6. Tattoos: Depending on what your ink looks like, you can get along pretty good in a club with just your arms and pointing. It’ll make that tattoo of two people getting in a cab totally worth the $60.
7. Your Bartender: You’ve been tipping this guy non-stop for $12 Appletinis, the least he can do is deliver a message or two. And it doesn’t always have to be about hooking up. Deliver a drink to your friend and have the bartender pass on the message about what greasy spoon you’re going to hit at 3 am. No night out is complete without pancakes!
Certain pop culture moments just stay with you after you’ve seen them. They’re not necessarily the best scenes from movies or television or music videos, but for whatever reason they’ve stuck with you over the years. Any of these scenes might’ve been part of your childhood experience or remind you of a certain point in your life. Maybe you’ve watched them over and over… maybe you and your friends tried to reenact them. (If you haven’t tried to recreate at least one of these moments then you probably at least wish you had.)
These are some of my iconic pop culture dance moments. If you’re near my age, you’ve probably done at least one of the things on this list.
The “lift” from Dirty Dancing
(especially in a swimming pool or lake)
Any of the moves from the library scene in The Breakfast Club
Pee Wee Herman’s “Tequila!” dance
Will and Carlton’s “Apache” routine from Fresh Prince of Bel Air
The Kid ‘N Play dance from House Party
(my personal favorite, I do this every chance I get)
Snapping like you’re in a West Side Story gang
Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” video
Were you born to hand-jive in Grease?
Dancing on the bar like in Coyote Ugly
(Bonus points if you got more than two steps done before they kicked you out)
Dance without pants like Tom Cruise in Risky Business
Fist pump like you were on The Jersey Shore
Headbang in the car a la Wayne’s World
Anything John Travolta does in Saturday Night Fever
Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke at the VMAs