20 Dance Moves You Can Use In Every Day Life

Businessman dancing on desk in cubicle

The dance floor isn’t the only place you can use your sick dance moves. Every day is a opportunity to show the world what you got. Use these ideas to cut a rug, even when you are just shopping for a rug.

1. Back Slide into the bath tub.
2. Go Around the World into a International Grocery Store.
3. Boomerang out of a PTA meeting.
4. Brush Your Shoulder Off at the barber.
5. Twerk while quitting your job.
6. Moonwalk your way out of a awkward conversation.
7. Achy Breaky you way into a Dallas BBQ restaurant.
8. Hammer Dance your way in between lines at the Home Depot.
9. Ickey Shuffle after winning your NCAA Bracket.
10. Do the Sprinkler when you dad tells you to go out and water the lawn.
11. Raise the Roof while working at your construction job
12. Use the Cabbage Patch to stir your pancake batter.
13. Use the Dice Shaker at Vegas.
14. Perform the Running Man in between work outs.
15. Box Step your way around a pile of dog poop.
16. Grapvine yourself out of a wine bar.
17. Heel turn when you see your exe coming down the street.
18. Dos-a-do with the person you get trapped in a revolving door with
19. Do the Twist when getting out of your pants after a big meal.
20. Do the worm to get underneath a stuck garage door.

Seven Women You Should Avoid in the Club

Gentlemen, the dance club is your hunting ground and today we look at targets you should avoid.  Whether you want to take someone home to mom or just into the alley behind the dumpster for a quick hump, you should know the pitfalls before you end up on a very special episode of Dr. Phil.  Here now are the Seven Women You Should Avoid in the Club. Read more

Ten Drinks and the Message You Send When You Buy One For a Lady

Fellas, women read into everything.  While our cold, emotionless logic circuits are anxiously trying to close the deal, women are out there feeling, feeling, feeling.  One of the things they “feel” is the drink you buy for them when you meet for the first time.  They will—  No, they need to go back to their friends and spend twenty to thirty minutes discussing what you bought for them during the first few moments.  Here are the messages you send with your drinks.

1.  Beer:  “Hi, I share an apartment with three other roommates because technically my job is considered a paid internship.  I hope you don’t like guys with money!”

2.  Wine Cooler:  “Hello!  I’m mentally still in 11th grade!  Wanna make out?”

3.  Tequila Shot:  “I’m going to pour alcohol in you until you forget where you live and end up at my place.  I’ll find your bra under my bed a week from now.  Although I will pay your cab fare home, I will not be making you breakfast since I can’t cook anything more complicated than a microwave burrito.”

4.  Tom Collins:  “I have no idea what women drink, but I saw this one on Mad Men and I figure you probably watch that.  I will make awkward conversation with you.  You can probably get a few more free drinks out of me and put me right in the friend zone.”

5.  White Russian:  “I’m in college and my friends and I quote The Big Lebowski constantly.  I will constantly try and have sex with you the moment we start talking.”

6. Vodka Martini:  “Greetings, I am the most boring person in this club.  You will start to doze off, halfway through me telling you my name.  You’ll give me a fake number just so we’ll never have to talk again.”

7.  Scotch on the rocks:  “I work at a Fortune 500 company and can spend fifteen minutes talking about how expensive my watch is.  Watch me piss away a grand on bottle service in hopes of getting you into the sack tonight.”

8. Mai Tai:  “Welcome to the party train and this train makes all the stops.  If you haven’t woken up in an alley with no shoes three states away, then you didn’t really party.”

9. Cosmopolitan:  “I’m recently divorced and therapist told me this is where people meet now.  My wife used to drink these because her and her friends watched Sex in the City.  I’ll be cutting out early, I have to say goodnight to my kids.”

10. Mohito:  “Hey, I follow trends.  You remind me of someone I saw on TV.  If we start dating and you change your hair, I will immediately break up with you.  Sure, I’m shallow, but you’re judging people based on drinks, so don’t talk.”


Ten Pick Up Lines So Awful They’re Good

Ultimately, pick up lines are meaningless, as most women make up their minds about you in the first five seconds.  But there are certain lines that are just so bad, they’re kind of endearing if you use them right.  Here now are Ten Pick Up Lines So Awful They’re Good.

1.  “Nice dress.  It would look better crumpled up on my floor.”  Turn your delivery to maximum smartass, if you expect to get away with this without looking too aggressive or creepy.  If she let’s you hang out, you’re probably in.

2.  “Did you fall from heaven?  Because I really think we should have sex.”  This one doesn’t need 100% confidence, but it does need a fun and light delivery.  Just make sure you reapply your Axe cologne if you get slapped.

3.  “Are you a hard worker?  I have an opening you can fill.”  Generally, ladies don’t need pick up lines.  Guys will pretty much talk to anyone that bats their eyes at them.  Still, if you want to prove you’re just as cheesy.

4.  “Do you believe in love in first sight or should I walk past you again?”  Funny and light, but the less aggressive tone opens the door for a big turn down.  You need to catch her off guard.  If she shows off in front of her friends, you’ll be trying this at the other end of the bar.

5.  “Great legs.  What time do they open?”  It’s dangerous to spout something this vulgar, but then again, women love to “fix” scumbags.  If you can pull off the “handsome rogue” persona, you’re probably in.

6.  “Can I buy you a drink?  I’m much more handsome after alcohol.”  This one is slightly self-deprecating, which is good.  However, it does open you up to a zinger like, “No, thanks.  There’s not enough alcohol in this city to make you handsome.”

7.  “Are you a parking ticket?  Because you got FINE written all over you!”  It’s funny, cheesy and not at all aggressive.  It’s not likely to get a zinger response.  Worst case scenario, she just laughs like you’re being stupid and goes back to her Appletini.  You may not get to see boobs, but at least you’ll get a laugh.

8.  “Can you give me directions?  Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.”  Supremely cheesy and you run the risk of getting cut off half way through with “Yeah, get lost.”  But it is a compliment about her eyes and women take to compliments like a crack addict takes to crack.

9.  “Is it hot in here or is it just you?”  Again, you cannot go wrong with a line that is basically a compliment.  What is she going to retort with?  “No I’m not!?”  It’s more likely she’ll say something like, “Does that line actually work?”  To which you can respond, “I’m talking to you aren’t I?”

10.  “Can I have your phone number?  I’ve seem to have lost mine.”  Classic cheesiness, but it establishes what you want in one sentence.  You might have to banter a bit to actually get her digits, but alcohol tends to loosen lips and you’re probably in a bar anyways.


Ten Things You Never Want to Hear Your Dance Partner Say

Dance floor chatter is usually limited to stuff like “Nice moves” and “Hey, have you seen Ian?  He was my ride.”  But there are certain things you never want to hear your dance partner say.

1.  “I love dancing.  It really makes me forget about my STD’s.”

2.  “So, is that roofie kicking in yet?”

3.  “You’re so strong.  I told the bouncer you could kick his ass no problem.”

4.  “You’re dancing?  I’m sorry.  I thought you were having a seizure.”

5.  “I’ll get the bartender’s attention.  Just let me fire off a few rounds.”

6.  “If you’re not homeless, why are you dressed that way?”

7.  “Hey, let’s go meet my mom.  She’s at the table behind you!”

8.  “I hope you have sex better than you dance.”

9.  “I told the DJ to play some more Miley Cyrus!”

10.  “Let’s get out of here after this song.  The fire I set should probably be spreading by then.”

Think you can do better? We know you can! Leave your terrible dance convo one liners below!

Seven Tips for Communicating in a Loud Club

There are few clubs that aren’t loud.  Some clubs actually have so many speakers and such volume, the vibrations permeate the walls clear into the bathroom stalls.  Is it any wonder none of the staff pays attention?  They’re probably all deaf.  But you’ve got your crew in tow and you’ve got to communicate.  How else are you going to go home with that hot chick holding the martini glass or that handsome bloke with open shirt and pecs?  Here now are some quick tips for communicating in a loud club.

1.  Texting:  Keep your cellphone handy, because it may be the only way you can tell your girlfriends that the guy you’ve been talking to just sprang for bottle service at the table.

2.  Hand Signals:  And you thought talking to deaf people was a waste of time!  Whether you know the entire deaf alphabet or are just good at charades, hand signals are an invaluable tool in loud situations.  Just ask Seal Team Six.

3.  Napkin Notes:  You knew there was a reason they kept giving you a napkin with your drink.  If it’s not to scrawl a note to your boys to tell them that you call dibbs on that cleavage queen you just spotted, then what good are they?  And remember, never leave that paper trail behind.

4.  Dancing:  While dancing isn’t the ideal communication method for every kind of message, it is great for giving your dance partner the message that you’d rather be grinding on him or her naked back at their place.

5.  Mouthing the Words:  Assuming you can get someone’s attention under the flashing lights and puffs of fake smoke, you might be able to mouth a message.  You don’t have to be a lip reader to get the basics.  Just remember that mouthing the word “talk”, as in, “Do you want to talk?” may send a mixed message as it also looks like a certain f-word.

6.  Tattoos:  Depending on what your ink looks like, you can get along pretty good in a club with just your arms and pointing.  It’ll make that tattoo of two people getting in a cab totally worth the $60.

7.  Your Bartender:  You’ve been tipping this guy non-stop for $12 Appletinis, the least he can do is deliver a message or two.  And it doesn’t always have to be about hooking up.  Deliver a drink to your friend and have the bartender pass on the message about what greasy spoon you’re going to hit at 3 am.  No night out is complete without pancakes!


The Eight Worst Foods to Serve at a Club

Although club drinks tend to be insanely high, at least your brain cells are being killed by top shelf liquor that Jay-Z also drinks.  Club food, however, is a mix of the gourmet, the frozen and just plain odd.  Sure, you need some calories to shake that thang, but you can also get some later at the IHOP like a normal person.  Here now are the Eight Worst Foods to Serve at a Club.

1.  Pizza:  This isn’t someone’s dorm room.  Why the Hell would anyone want a long, floppy piece of bread, covered in sauce, cheese and tiny round meats, unless they have a burning desire to ruin an $800 Jovani sequin dress?  Not to mention the fact that you can probably buy an entire pie for the price of what the club will charge.

2.  Nachos:  Are we a group of stoned eighth graders in our parents’ basement?  And no matter how many degrees your chef has, he basically dumped this out of a bag and put cheese on them.

3.  Egg Rolls:  Oh, good.  It’s like a slice of pizza, except rolled up into a hot little food hand grenade that explodes the moment you bite into it.  That is, of course, that you don’t immediately sear your tongue off it, as it just came out of a deep fryer.

4.  Salad:  What health nut ordered this?  This is a dance club, not a lunch out with the girls.  Assuming you get that all into your salad hole without splashing dressing on your shoes, who wants to look at that empty bowl with a fork sticking out, just waiting to be knocked over by first clumsy guy trying to sit down next to you?

5.  Buffet Style Anything:  The dance club’s GM should have his head examined for offering up this disaster waiting to happen.  That’s just what a dance floor needs: people gingerly making their way back to their table with a plate piled high with free food.  What is this?  Your cousin’s wedding reception?

6.  Hot dogs:  Is this a night club or Yankee Stadium?  Even strip clubs serve more expensive food than this.  Hot dogs are worse than nothing.  They’re like an insult in food form.  “Ha, ha!  You paid the cover charge and this is all we’re giving you for free!”

7.  Fajitas:  Awesome!  Not only did you deliver food that requires a fork and can be put inside a soft taco shell where it might burst out and ruin clothes, you also managed to deliver a plate to the table that could cause third degree burns to anyone that touches it!  Why not just throw a bunch of hot coals at the table while you’re at it?

8.  Wings:  Yeah, let me get my hands completely covered in orange hot sauce.  Is this the dance club or a Super Bowl Party?  And who doesn’t want a pile of chicken bones as a centerpiece of the tiny table where you put your drinks?  Nothing says sophistication like a pile of half-eaten chicken remains and a greasy cellphone.

The Seven Best Ancient Civilizations for Dance Clubs

Ancient Civilizations may have been warlike, sexist, violent and bloodier than a episode of Game of Thrones, but at some point they had to put down their spears to get their drinking on and dance!  Here now are the Seven Best Ancient Civilizations for Dance Clubs.

1. The Roman Empire:  Hands down, the best.  Roman nightclubs were, at minimum, a place to drink, dance, hold an orgy and then repeat until everyone was passed out.  Oh, sure, they stole most of the Gods from the Greeks, but they rebranded and got back to the party!

2. The Aztecs:  The Aztecs built impressive, tall, tiered dance club and no one went home until someone got their heart ripped out and thrown to the crowd.  They invented chocolate, so the bars were well stocked with Chocolate-tinis.

3.  The Vandals:  When your entire civilization sounds like the people that write dirty limericks on bathroom stalls, you obviously had to have built some clubs.  Sure, the Romans could party, but no one could trash a hotel room like the Vandals.  When you’re the bad boys of the Middle Ages, you know how to party.

4.  The Vikings:  Wearing Flavor Flav hats sans the giant clock, the Vikings were like pirates that attacked land instead of ships and stabbed you in the face rather than parlay.  Most of their clubs were like raves, moving from location to location until a good spot full of booty was found.

5.  The Mongols:  The Mongols were like the Vikings on horseback.  Genghis Khan and Kubla Khan being their head DJ’s at all times.  Their version of bottle service involved decapitating an enemy filling his skull with a Mai Tai.

6.  The Māori:  The little known New Zealander tribe are like the live action equivalent of Klingons without the Shakespeare.  Tough as nails and fearsome on the battlefield, they’re just as fearsome on the dance floor or doing a haka.

7.  The Egyptians:  How can you not include the civilization that invented beer?  Pharaohs wanted to party in this life and the after, which is why their best dancing slaves were sealed in their tombs with them.  They couldn’t go anywhere without a good entourage.

5 Best Places To Dance Outside Of The Club

Don’t have enough money for the cover charge? Hate pushing your way through crowds just to get a drink? Would you rather pull your eyelids off than watching douche bags spill drinks on your shirt? Then maybe the dance club isn’t the best place to get your groove on. Check out these ideas to cut a rug without having to wait on a red carpet.

1. Street
A block party is the best part because a block party don’t stop. Just invite your friends, put a boom box in the window, crack a few beers and bring the party to the streets. Tearing it up the black top you are sure to attract attention. Let’s just hope it’s not the cops. Plus, you can see neighbors and friends you haven’t talk to in a while. Nothing says “How’s the family” like performing the cabbage patch.

2. House Party
If you want to try out some of those new dances moves no place is better than the safety of your own house. Not only can you dance like you want to, you can leave your friends behind. Hell, it’s your party you can invite who ever you want. Your house. Your rules. It can last all night and no one will dare tell you how bad you are dancing in fear of getting kicked out.

3. Pool Party
A pool party is a great place to dance because if things get too hot you can always jump in the pool. Plus everyone is wearing bikinis and who doesn’t want to dance close to a sexy two piece. Remember that show on MTV called “The Grind” ? That’s how all pool parties should be. Dancing, DJ’s and a healthy amount of 90’s rap.

4. Roof Top
It’s not hard to raise the roof when you are above it! Nothing makes you feel sexier than dancing while looking over the entire city. This is where dreams are made. Plus, it’s just really cool. Who knows when Mumford & Sons will just start shooting their next video. It may be at your next hip roof top dance party.

5. Bathroom
This is the ultimate place to get your dance on. First of all, no one is watching you so you can dance how you like. Second, you’re probably naked so you don’t have to worry about cumbersome clothing. Third, you can play your music as loud as you want. Lastly, you can use a hair brush as a microphone if you want to lip sync. Rumor has it Beyonce came up with her Single Ladies video while in the bathroom. Maybe you next time the can will inspire you to shake your cans too.

10 Reasons Going to a Club is Like Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones is returning to the wasteland that is television and not a moment too soon.  Just like GOT fans are waiting for the dragons to start roasting Kings Landing, so too are party goers anxious to get inside the best clubs.  And dance clubs are a lot like Westerors if you look close.  Here now are Ten Reasons Going to the Club is like Game of Thrones.

1.  Getting inside the club is like getting past the Wall and the Black Watch:  Like the Black Watch, bouncers swear off of drinking and women.  And like everyone on Game of Thrones, they’re violent and will try and kill you if given the flimsiest of excuse.

2. Like Game of Thrones, there are tons of scantily clad people:  There’s enough sex, nudity and dudity in Game of Thrones to fill several page of the Mr. Skin website.  Pass enough vodka tonics out and you’ll pretty much get the same thing in your local club’s restrooms on a Friday night.

3.  Spending money like the Lannisters gets results:  You might have a great personality, but nothing erases ugly like money in the club.  Tyrion didn’t get all the hot chicks by being poor and short and neither will you when you hit the clubs. 

4.  Watch where you put your “sword”:  In GoT, people get into a lot of trouble thinking with the little sword.  You can get in way more trouble on the dance floor.  Nothing says “creepy” like getting too excited in the pants and swinging it around.  Remember to rest and cool off in between grinding.

5.  If you want to be king or king of the dance floor, you need magic:  Stanis has his crazy, red-headed witch woman, you’re going to need someone to dance with that’s just as striking.  And like her spells, her moves better be deadly and involve brief nudity.

6. Unlike Theron Greyjoy, sometimes you might want to get “cut off”:  Sure, it’s fun to get a little buzzed and dance the night away but watch out who you go home with. If it’s not your long lost sister, it might just be a crazy psychopath that you’re getting into bed with. And unlike Taken, if you wake up alone in a dungeon, Liam Neeson won’t be there to save you. Sometimes, you might just have to thank that bartender for “cutting you off.”

7. There’s always one rich guy being a jackass:  He’s not King Jeoffrey.  He’s worse.  Whether he’s the son of a sheik, a Russian mobster or Will Smith, he’ll be making it rain and dominating the bottle service.  Stay away, unless you want to get a drunken putdown and have a fist full of hundreds thrown derisively into your face.

8. The party, like winter, is coming:  And if you live on the East Coast, the party, like winter, never seems to end.  So unless your apartment is stocked with whiskey and Netflix, it’s time to hit the club to find someone warm to rub against.  And if you can brave the storm, much like Little Finger, you’ll have your pick of the ladies.

9. Never discount the weirdos:  The Hound, Tyrion, Jamie Lannister—  It seems like those with the biggest disfigurements are always the most interesting characters.  That’s why you should never count out the weirdos in the club.  Just because some dude is 300 lbs with a bright pink goatee, doesn’t mean it’s not totally worth chatting up.  Of course, if he smells like Hodor, that’s probably a deal killer.

10. Like the queen, MILF’s are not to be ignored:  The Queen of Westeros’ machinations drive the Royal Court according to her whim.  Thus it is similar with MILF’s that have been in your local club’s scene for a few years.  Sure, shes’ got some miles on her, but she wears that Cougar Life well.  Like the Queen, don’t cross her unless you want your rep to be mud.

Bonus! You never know who is going to disappear:  In GoT, characters disappear all the time, never to return.  In a club scene, you never know when two people might pair up and disappear forever.  Marriage, like a cover charge, can be an expensive thing, whether the wedding is as joyous as Tyrion saving the kingdom or as bloody as the Red Wedding.